First it was jacket drawstrings. Now, it's your shoelaces

The following is a parody of a newswire item from today.......

The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, in cooperation with the industry named below, today announced a voluntary recall of the following products. Consumers should stop using recalled products immediately unless otherwise instructed.

Name of Product: Shoes with laces

Units: About 250 Billion

Manufacturer: (You name it. They all have laces.)

Hazard: Shoes, sneakers, boots, sandals, and other footwear have laces through the eyelets which can pose a strangulation hazard to anyone stupid enough to take them off and use them as a noose. In February 1996, the CPSC issued some ridiculous guidelines (which were incorporated into every industry "voluntaryily" in 1997) to help prevent anyone from strangling or getting entangled on the neck from the laces of any footwear, such as shoes and sneakers.

Incidents/Injuries: None (except for those individuals who were incarcerated in local jails and who should've been on suicide watch from the beginning, due to their total embarrassment for some other law or guideline they violated, like not removing the drawstring from their childs jacket.)

Remedy: Consumer should immediately remove the laces from all footwear to eliminate the hazard or return them to the place of purchase. In the mean time, everyone should go barefoot until each and every shoe, sneakers, boot, or sandal in America is equipped with velcro-type closures.

Reasoning: The US Consumer agencies are headed by absolute IDIOTS who think that ALL people are as stupid as they are, thereby creating such obscure laws to make it impossible for businesses to succeed.

WARNING: Going without footwear on your feet WILL RESULT IN INJURY. But, that's not our problem. For that, you have to talk to the NTSB to have everything paved over with asphalt.